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Book Review - Eat, Pray, Love
This month, for Mel's book club, we reviewed Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert (and the list of other bloggers who are reviewing the book is here). It's not a book about infertility or babies. It is a book about a woman's search for answers.
It's also quite possibly the most egomaniacal piece of work I've ever read as well, and I've even read Elizabeth Wurtzel's stuff (and no one does "it's all about me" quite like Wurtzel). I don't mind a book being about someone's personal journey - after all, isn't that the essence of most books? What does get me, though, is the pure unapologetic intent that Gilbert has in this book of taking the world, shaking its teeth, and making it give her what she seeks.
I have a problem with people like that.
Moreover, I had to battle to keep myself reading this book, despite the rave reviews it had, for two simple reasons:
1) Gilbert has a guru. You know, one of those spiritual gurus. In India. And she's all about loving the guru, which is a little uncomfortably like this for me.
2) The premise of the book, besides being an account of a person's regaining her life, is the following: She wants to be closer to God.
Hey, so not my kind of book.
I stuck it out. I wanted to like this book, I really did. People raved about it, there must be something about it. And don't get me wrong, there were a few home truths in there that reached in and smacked me upside the head so had that I sat there,nodding furiously in agreement like some cheap carnival bobbing head doll. The author goes through a divorce before she starts her journey to be in Italy for four months (Eat), to visit her guru's ashram in India (Pray), and to spend time with a spiritual teacher before meeting a smokin' Brazilian and bonking like bunnies in Bali (Love).
She says about divorce: Getting out of a marriage is rough, though, and not just for the legal/financial complications or the massive lifestyle upheaval. It's the emotional recoil that kills you, the shock of stepping off the track of a conventional lifestyle and losing all the embracing comforts that keep so many people on that track forever.
Exactly, sister.
A quote from a former nun in Elizabeth's ashram has become my new motto:
Guilt's just your ego's way of tricking you into thinking that you're making moral progress. Don't fall for it, my dear.
That nun rocked. I'd even be tempted to renounce my previous Catholic renunciation should I come across a group like that.
(Who am I kidding? Jeez.)
Anyway, back to the book - I found Elizabeth to be relentless, over-wrought, over-compensating, and over-thinking. She kinda' pissed me off. A lot. In places I wondered if she sounded a lot like me, which leads me to wonder why anyone would ever like me, ever, because if I am like her I'm thinking I'm pretty unlikeable (you should click out of this site now then, really. Nothing to see her. Move along.)
But mostly I just didn't get where she was coming from - I don't want to get closer to god. I don't meditate, and in fact I hate meditating so much that I just grinned and beared it when doing yoga. I don't go on spiritual journeys. I really can't foresee that ever happening, although I confess I have been on other kinds of journeys when changing from one Helen to another.
My questions:
What is the word that defines your city? workplace? home? yourself? Why?
Fabulous question. My city: tranquil (I live out in the sticks, commuter distance to London. There are cows in fields on either side of me. There are no streetlights. I live at the end of an unmade road. My city is tranquil. My London is alive.)
My workplace: Stodgy. That's really all I can give up right now.
My home and myself: Hopeful. My house is becoming the home I have always hoped I could live in. And I am becoming the person I always hoped I could be, with the kind of life I never hoped for because hoping would be admitting it might have been possible.
The author learns Italian for the pure love of it (no real practical reason). Have you wanted to learn something just for the pure sake of the knowledge? Did you pursue it and how did it make you feel once you had done it?
I have done this a number of times. I borrowed money in college to learn how to scuba dive. I've never regretted that decision, and I truly enjoy diving in warm, clear waters. I also learned Russian in college, an impulse choice I did to impress a guy. It worked. I studied Russian intensively, used to be fluent, and was so proud of myself for tackling it. I felt extraordinary. Of course, it's of no use and I can remember very little of it (although knowing the Cyrillic alphabet has come in handy), but still. I feel good.
In Chapter 60, the plumber/poet from New Zealand gives Liz some Instructions for Freedom. #7: "Let your intention be freedom from useless suffering. Then, let go." To what extent has any suffering you've experienced in response to your own struggles (such as infertility, loss, illness) been inevitable? Natural but unhelpful? Useless? Does the suffering serve any purpose for you? Is that purpose enough to justify ongoing suffering?
This is my view only, so no hate mail, ok? Most of my struggles have been inevitable because I brought a lot of them on myself. I fuck up a lot. My fuck ups tend to lead to very expensive lessons, emotionally, financially, physically, you name it. I would, however, say that the lessons I learn are extremely valuable. I fell for the wrong guy, I should've known never to trust a guy who kept his eyes open while he kissed, I won't make that mistake again. I lost my grandpa without telling him I loved him, I now ensure I tell people I love that I love them when I hang up the phone with them. For me personally, the purpose has not been the point - what I do with what happened is.
And hopefully, my fuck ups don't negatively impact your life, because that? That would be bad.
One of the criticisms frequently leveled at this book is that it is "self-absorbed" and that its author is "selfish." Interestingly, these same labels have also been applied to infertiles, particularly those of us who blog about our infertility. Do you think this criticism is warranted in either case (i.e., by the book/author and by infertiles/infertility bloggers)? Do you think being an infertile and a blogger influenced your reaction to the book? In what ways?
My intro pretty much sums up how I feel about the author, but that said I do need to remember - this is her book about her journey. Had it not been for the book club I think it's safe to say that I would have put this book down a while ago, because although I am very interested in what people do with their lives, to me it's the telling of the story that will catch me. Is she selfish? Aren't we all? And isn't blogging, by its very nature, a self-absorbed activity? Read my site. It's about me. And even though I wrote it to help clear out my head, the truth is my blog is still about me. She wrote her book, and it's about her. I would've enjoyed a little less of the Her of the book, but still.
Hop along to another stop on this blog tour by visiting the main list at Stirrup Queens (http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/). You can also sign up for the next book on this online book club: Baby Trail by Sinead Moriarty (with author articipation).
-H.
Posted by Everydaystranger at August 17, 2008 06:52 PM • TrackBack .http://blog2.mu.nu/cgi/trackback.cgi/249792
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We answered mostly the same questions.
I really appreciated your review because my one of my good friends also had no tolerance for the book but never got around to telling me why.
Your viewpoint sheds some light.
Posted by: Lori at August 20, 2008 02:24 AMI totally agreed - the nun rocked! Loved your review. I didn't love the book - found her descriptions of the stuff around her way more interesting than anything "personal" she had to say. By the time she got to Bali and the blazing Brazilian, I wanted to say "enough of the self-indulgance - get back to the travelogue!"
Posted by: JuliaS at August 19, 2008 07:36 PMI don't know if my previous comment went through--but I basically said you were so right on that I am going to hyperlink to your review...totally agree with you on this one. I admire that you got all the way through--I could not.
Posted by: Delenn at August 19, 2008 12:50 AMI am so going to hyperlink to your post! I am totally with you on this one. Except, i couldn't get through it. I admire you for getting through it. And, boy, I totally was thinking "Holy Smoke" at one point! You are right on the money on this one.
Posted by: Delenn at August 19, 2008 12:45 AMReally? I found her incredibly weak at several points along the way, most notably in the beginning.
By disappointed, surely you know I didn't mean I was disappointed in *you*. I've always thought we were a great deal alike, kindred spirits in a way, so when I saw you were reviewing this book, I was wondering - hoping? - it was as cathartic for you as for me.
Not every book or every woman's journey connects with every woman. Would be a pretty boring world if we all thought/felt/reacted the same to every stimuli out there!
I went into the book not wanting to like it for that very reason: everyone else did. But I couldn't help myself. I found myself wishing I had the ambition for that kind of self-determination. As I've said, she inspired me and several changes came about as a direct result of her putting her journal through this process out there for the world to see. It was one of the only "self-help" (although I never considered it that before these comments) type book that ever struck that sort of note with me.
The nun's comment stuck with me also. I have to agree that this was her book and she should be able to choose to write it whatever way she pleases. I find it odd that people have actually critized the book for that fact... it is what it is, a personal journey that just happened to be printed. Then again, I know several people that will only read technical blogs or topic blogs but find that personal blogs are too self absorbed. Well.. that is the point, to focus on our own journey if we like.
I also agree with you that sometimes we do bring our suffering upon ourselves.
thanks for sharing your thoughts!
This is why I love book clubs! I really appreciate getting different people's POV. I did really enjoy Eat, Pray, Love, however I can understand that you and others didn't care for it. Thank you for sharing your opinions of the book and the author so candidly.
Thank you for sharing your one words to describe different things and places in your life. Having lived and studied in London for a sememester in 1996, when I was in college, I think alive is an appropriate word to describe it. I need to think some more about which single words would best describe places, people and things in my life.
Cool that you learned to scuba dive and speak Russian!
I agree that many of our struggles we bring on ourselves and it is the journey as much as the destination, in terms of how we deal with what happens to us, our attitude and what we learn from our experiences.
I was struck by when you talked about blogging being a self-absorbed activity. I agree, however I do think when we branch out, support others through commenting on their blogs and participate in things like this Book Tour that it makes blogging more of a community activity.
Anyway, glad to have found your blog through this book tour. Thank you for sharing!
Posted by: Kathy at August 18, 2008 08:49 PMThank you for saving me from self-help hell. I know now that I can simply pass on this one!
Posted by: Omnibus Driver at August 18, 2008 04:50 PMI mostly enjoyed the book. My husband read it too & thought she "whined way too much." ; ) To each his/her own! I did enjoy reading your answers, especially the last one about blogging.
Posted by: loribeth at August 18, 2008 04:36 PMGetting out of a marriage is rough, though, and not just for the legal/financial complications or the massive lifestyle upheaval. It's the emotional recoil that kills you
I've heard going through a divorce is more emotionally hurtful than having a spouse die. That's obviously one of those sayings you can't really quantify, but it sounds like it would be accurate.
I don't want to get closer to god. ... I really can't foresee that ever happening, although I confess I have been on other kinds of journeys when changing from one Helen to another.
Yep, you never know what lies around the bend. Maybe one day Christianity will make sense, or maybe it never will. Only time will tell.
Posted by: Solomon at August 18, 2008 02:45 PMso nice to hear i'm not the only one who didn't like it. i too had a really really hard time reading through this book..
Posted by: emily at August 18, 2008 02:04 PMi loved this book ~ but don't hold that against me. i've read it once, and then went straight back to 'eat' and 'pray' to seek out something deeper the second time 'round. i liked that right off the bat she states that she in no way intends this book to be a spiritual guide for others, it's just her own version. so i didn't take anything into myself that didn't zing me, you know? One of my fave parts is when she finally releases her husband on the astral plain. too esoteric for some, but not for me...again don't hold that against me.
what i like best about your review helen, is that you did get something out of it, it did make you think, and isn't that every author's goal ~ to touch someone, in whichever small way ~ with their story?
looking forward to your next one ~ and hey, congrats on being able to read a book with two little ones, that's quite a feat!
one love,
lil
I think it is wonderful that even someone like yourself who clearly didn't like this book can get something out of it.
The quote from the nun was one of my favorites too.
Posted by: Kristin at August 18, 2008 12:13 PMJennifer - I didn't see the book about her gaining strength so much as her recovering from grieving. She was never not strong. But to me, finding strength comes from something ordinary - you realize you can make it while standing over the kitchen sink. You know you're getting better while sitting on the couch. I found the Italy/India/Bali bit to be more like "I'm going to write a book, get better, and travel to exotic locations all on the company dime!" If you have to go that far for that long to try to figure out who you are, you have no hope of finding who really is deep down inside - and this one I know from experience. You can find your god in everyday things.
Flikka - ditto on the Ketut comment. It was like "Ketut is the meaning of life, he has all the answers, I will spend all day every day with him" to "Ketut who?"
Posted by: Helen at August 18, 2008 07:00 AMNo one in my book club loved this book. We range from hippies to pure Republicans, and still. We loved Eat...who wouldn't want to eat their way through Italy. We did not like Pray, it seemed pretentious even though, myself, I would love to spend time in an Ashram. I just don't think you can read about someone else's faith journey and especially the way she experienced it. Love seemed hypocritical to me. She was so adamant that she was going to take this time and not get involved and then she ends up in a relationship with someone that expects the same woman that she was before.
Posted by: Melissa at August 18, 2008 05:52 AMThanks for your candor!! I mostly enjoyed the book, but you have given me permission to not love 100% of it in my own post tomorrow.
Even if blogging is an activity focused on the self, it doesn't need to be (and usually isn't) anywhere near as self-absorbed as this book. I don't think that the tone of your blog is self-absorbed at all, just speaking from the heart.
Posted by: Cassandra at August 18, 2008 04:33 AMThanks for your candor!! I mostly enjoyed the book, but you have given me permission to not love 100% of it in my own post tomorrow.
Even if blogging is an activity focused on the self, it doesn't need to be (and usually isn't) anywhere near as self-absorbed as this book. I don't think that the tone of your blog is self-absorbed at all, just speaking from the heart.
Posted by: Baby Smiling In Back Seat at August 18, 2008 04:32 AMI read this for my book club. Couldn't believe the people who loved it either. But I did enjoy the "Just in case, I love you" thing, and did it with my sis before I got on a plane. I think everyone could get something from this book.
Posted by: Gal at August 18, 2008 02:43 AM* SO * glad you wrote this review - all of my friends * loved! loved!! loved!!! * this book but I also found the it patchy.
IMHO the whole Italian start was self indulgent navel gazing. While I found some of the insights at the Ashram interesting all I could think was how * fortunate * to be able to afford to run away from your life to do that - and that the rest of us should do what...?? Finally (apart from a good shag!!) I'm not really sure what she got out of being at Bali and thought her treatment of Ketut once she found a boyfriend was simply appalling!
This is a book a lot of people feel passionate about and won't hear criticised so I'll stay tuned to see the responses you get here. Apparently they are also going to make it into a film so it will be interesting to see whop they cast for Liz's role and how she is portrayed.
Posted by: flikka at August 18, 2008 01:42 AMI couldn't make it through the book. I totally agree -- she is way to into herself for my liking and all of the God stuff... ugh.
hmm
Posted by: Mei at August 17, 2008 09:13 PMWow, so disappointed. I absolutely *loved* this book on about a thousand different levels. The way she went from being totally weak to the point where her life was living her to taking life by the horns and riding it for all it's worth...I don't know. She inspired the hell out of me.
Posted by: Jennifer at August 17, 2008 08:56 PM