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Relationship Testers
They say that travelling can be a good test of a relationship. Or spending the first holiday together, where you alternate between families and have inadequate fumbles on your lover's mother's living room shagpile carpet. Or perhaps it's the arrival of a new baby, that's supposed to be very hard on a relationship (and ours is a testament to the troubled waters that can be found on that particular sea, I assure you.)
I think everyone's wrong. The greatest test of a relationship is home renovation. Nothing in the world makes you feel closer together, just as nothing in the world makes you want to take the IKEA catalog and ram it down your beloved's throat.
We knew it would be difficult going into this. What we didn't know was that I would spend the beginning of the build utterly depressed and he would spend the middle of the build utterly depressed. The noise! The dust! The snap decisions needed! The vetoing of said snap decisions by the other party! Did I mention the dust?
We had to make some rules around here, otherwise there was a good chance that the BBC would shortly run with the headline "Man found buried up to his neck in spackle." One of the new rules was the banning of the phrase "Do you want to do this right or not?" by Angus. I think it was midway through tiling the kitchen floor, on hands and knees covered in muck and dust and bruises, that it took every ounce of willpower I had not to get up and scream "No! I want to do this half-ass. I love half-ass, it's my most favorite thing in the world!" when he asked me said beloved question.
Instead I counted to 10 in my head, took a deep breath, and explained why I would prefer he not ask me that question anymore, but to use the basic assumption that I wanted things done right. He agreed to remove that question from his inventory. I'm not sure if it was my slightly unhinged way of asking him that did it, or the fact that I was holding a large crowbar. Whatever it was, it worked. And it was the last time I counted to 10 in my head. Now I'm counting to 100.
I think it's safe to say we're reaching new levels of depression regarding the house.
The entire house is covered in layers of dust. Seriously. The plasterers, the dry-wallers, the brick builders, the demolitionists, the carpenters, all of them have turned the house into a walking example of the dust bowl. You have to wear shoes in every single room of the house now, and the only places you don't wear them are in bed and in the babies' cots. It's that bad.
And this morning they started tearing down the wall to our WC, so we're down to a house with just one toilet now.
Clearly this was the wrong day to face after having taken two laxatives. No, this is not me returning to my purging days. It is, however, me confronting being plugged up like a Thanksgiving turkey and courtesy of my previous abuse of laxatives, just one won't cut it.
Of course, it's not so nice knowing that if you gotta' go, you gotta' go with a view.
That hole in the wall is now a window (the bathtub was then filled temporarily with a dust cloth when they knocked a hole in the wall. I failed to see the point of that, but whatever), as the room is being turned into a single bedroom, which will be Jeff's domain. But we're now showerless until the bathrooms are built up, so we sit in the bathtub and use the handheld unit to wash. It's big fun.
We're spending the weekend cleaning and dusting the place, as at least the demolition is done and the dust should be subsiding. We just can't take it anymore. We feel like the most slovenly people on earth, when the truth is we just gave up on dusting and vacuuming because more came every day. Now there's an end to the mess in sight, and we can't wait to stop feeling so gritty.
The kitchen is still on hold until other parts of the house are done, but at least it's useable now.
There is an end in sight. The two new upstairs bedrooms are done with drywalling and are being plastered. One of them - the room that will be Melissa's - is even done with plastering, and the floorboards go in it on Monday.
This means I get to spend the weekend painting it, first with a watered-down solution and then with lots of white. We're just flinging white paint around everywhere so that we can get moved in, we'll worry about painting rooms colors later.
The master bedroom is about to get plastered today (and not in the good tequila kind of way, either). It will also get painted this weekend, and floorboards go down on Monday.
Know what that means?
It means we can move into these rooms by mid-next week.
And not a moment too soon, because we're really going crazy. Wouldn't you, if your room was like this?
-H.
PS- I reviewed The Fertility Journal: A Day-to-Day Guide to Getting Pregnant in May, and the book sits unused on my shelf. I would like it to go to someone who can use it, so if you're trying to get pregnant or going through IVF and think you can use this journal, let me know and I'll send it off to you.
UPDATED - just to note, the washing machine is only in the kitchen temporarily, the utility room isn't finished yet (or even plumbed in for that matter), but once it is the washing machine moves out of the kitchen.
Posted by Everydaystranger at June 26, 2008 11:27 AM • TrackBack .http://blog2.mu.nu/cgi/trackback.cgi/247097
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Wait...not everyone has a washing machine in their kitchen? Jesus I hate flat-living.
It's looking marvellous. I must come live there, er, visit.
Posted by: MsPrufrock at June 27, 2008 02:07 PMThey don't call that stuff divorce dust for northing. Pat yourself on the back - there were no homicides and/or mutilations during the worst part of all this. Youa are over the top of the mountain now and you can see the finish line so you won.
Posted by: lostdawill at June 27, 2008 01:49 PMHey! That tile on the kitchen floor R0X0RS! Saying prayers that next week you'll be blissful in your new master suite.
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at June 27, 2008 07:14 AMI am sure a lot of relationships have thrived or failed during renovations. The "Do It Right" sounds good in theory but is sometimes hard to execute, as you well know.
I could be really gross here and mention how nice a hole like that would be in our bathroom, especially for the husband, but that is probably TMI. So let's leave it at that.
Looking good though babe, seriously!
Posted by: Teresa at June 26, 2008 11:11 PMWill come back to read comments later but briefly wanted to say...it's only a few more days. By Sunday night, when the dustbowl has been cleaned and swept multiple times, you will feel tons better. And, Melissa's room looks great and you will just love having a room 'completely built' when you get the whitewash/paint on. I imagine that at this stage, painting will feel wonderful because it will represent a completed room. So glad to hear that the demo is complete, that will make a huge difference in the dust factor although, I am sure, you will find building dust for a while to come. And, yes, the dropcloths are lost on me too because there is dust everywhere and a large chunk will still ruin the tub?
Posted by: Melissa at June 26, 2008 09:55 PMWow, it's great to see the photos of your work, I can't imagine! We are trying to convieve still, after so many years..oh well.
Posted by: Lala at June 26, 2008 09:44 PMIt's looking really lovely. The kitchen is going to be amazing.
We survived years of remodeling. We did it in pieces because that's what we could afford - one year we did the kitchen, the next a bathroom, another year the basement, etc. I'm not sure if it was better to spread it out, or if it would have been better to save the money until we could do it all at once and endure the chaos and filth only once. It is definitely trying on a relationship, but I think we're better for it.
Posted by: Carol at June 26, 2008 09:22 PMI have to echo what everyone else is saying. impressed with what you are doing. Impressed by your stamina. Empathy for the mess and inconveniences. Hope that;s it's soon completed.
Posted by: amber at June 26, 2008 09:15 PMYou are doing an amazing job with the house, even with all of the ups and downs of construction. The light is shining somewhere in the distance, right? Focus on that!
Posted by: stacie at June 26, 2008 08:41 PMI echo every person's amazement that you are holding up as well as you are. How wonderful to see a glimpse of what the finished products for the master and Melissa's rooms are going to look like!
You totally rock, and you will make it through this. You are the toughest chick I know.
Posted by: sophie at June 26, 2008 08:34 PMI can so relate to the "do it right" comment. I am married to a nuclear enginear and Every Project is approached as if we are pulling the rods from the reactor core. I feel your pain. But the house looks great!
Posted by: Melissia at June 26, 2008 07:52 PMDepressing indeed. Not needing to know intimate details, but how do you & Angus get naughty with each other when the whole world has their choice of views into your house? Does the Cowboy & his gang get free shows? Hey, charge them admission.
Seriously though, given that home renovation is a known relationship-killer, if the two of you survive this, you both are definitely meant for each other.
Posted by: diamond dave at June 26, 2008 07:33 PMyou are so my hero.
Posted by: caltechgirl at June 26, 2008 07:32 PMWhy is it that in the UK washing machines are in the kitchen? Mine is in over here in NA (I have a laundry room I might add where my dryer resides) but that's only due to piss poor planning on whoever built my home.
Posted by: Sk at June 26, 2008 05:21 PMI also can't imagine. We bought a brand new house in 2003 with an unfinished basement (this is very typical of the 'burbs of Minneapolis), got married later that year, finished off the bathroom and bedroom when I was just about in the middle of being pregnant, had a baby in March 2005, and then slowly proceeded to finish the family room part of the basement. We finally finished the room (carpet went in) on Halloween 2007 with all the very very last details being done by Thanksgiving 2007. I LOVE our family room - it has a fireplace and lots of room for couches, tv's, and toys.
But it was stressful to get it done. Our now 3 year old was only 1-2 when we were trying to really push to get the room done and he was in to EVERYTHING. The only thing that kept us seriously sane was that the entire upstairs was left untouched during the whole process so we could always just close the door and flee if we needed a break. And it was pretty easy to keep our son out too.
So I can't even imagine doing that to an entire house. You are a brave woman. Wow.
Posted by: Jennifer at June 26, 2008 02:38 PMI cannot even imagine. And it seems like it's gone on forever to me, so I don't know how the hell you stand it.
I think I would have had to move into a trailer in the yard by now, or a tent. Or a hotel. Or another city, lol.
Eye on the prize, eye on the prize.
PS, I would love it if my bathroom had a window that I could actually look out of or open.
I don't know how you are doing this. I think I would have flipped out at some point by now and I would be far away.
Posted by: Jen at June 26, 2008 01:40 PMDear mother of god... I have no idea how you are coping!!! Twins, a dog, job, depression and whole house devastation! You are amazing. We almost called off the wedding due to stress from the bathroom, kitchen, hallway renovation which we are just now coming to the end of. Oh yeah and the dust - it just keeps reappearing - even after the work and cleaning. I feel like we are living in the Gobi fricken desert. Hang in there - they are working fast! x
Posted by: Lee at June 26, 2008 01:02 PMYou and Angus have my respect and admiration Helen. I can honestly say that I don't know if Sgt and I would ever make it through a reno.
I don't know how you guys are living with two babies in the midst of all that! I would have lost it long ago. But it looks fantastic, and I can't even imagine how much you are going to love it when it's all done :)
Posted by: geeky at June 26, 2008 12:54 PMI have heard for years that the quickest way to divorce is through renovation or home building. I don't know how either of you can maintain any semblance of sanity through all that. But - it will be gorgeous when it is all done, and you will probably decided it was worth it!
Posted by: kenju at June 26, 2008 12:46 PMYou are a way braver woman than me - I lost it entirely when doing a kitchen at a time when we had no children and we have agreed that in the case of serious works I at least will have to live elsewhere to avoid certain violence. Looks like you are reaching the end of the dust though and the house is looking great.
For the Americans - yup washers and driers in kitchens in the UK are pretty standard. Most of the older houses, particularly terraced town houses, don't have rooms that would easily convert to utility rooms if you also want to have a biggish kitchen you can eat in.
Posted by: Betty M at June 26, 2008 12:38 PMI was wondering that, too. Is the washer/dryer unit commonly found in kitchens there or was that personal preference?
Are you going to do a weekend paint session with Melissa so you can bond and she can do her own room sort of thing or how is that going to go? Just the sheer idea of trying to work that one out gives me a headache.
The house is looking awesome. I'm not really sure HOW you're working, being a new mom, and re-doing your home all at the same time, but I am extremely proud of you (and IMPRESSED!). I am convinced that you really are a superhero, Helen. ;)
Posted by: Lauren at June 26, 2008 12:07 PMthe end of the nightmare is near - you all survived it and i'm sure you're going to be celebrating. woo hoo
Posted by: Mei at June 26, 2008 11:32 AMIs it personal preference that the washer go in the kitchen? I've never seen that before.
The hole above the the tub is extra ventalation for your 'gotta go' moments :-)
Alas, the light at the end of the tunnel! Think how much more you'll enjoy Steve when the house is complete, dust gone and just room color is left to decide!
Good Luck!
oh hang in there you guys! yes the "do you want to do this right or not?" question would have gotten to me as well, but i hope this all continues according to schedule and by this time next week you'll be in your new rooms and things will certainly look better from that perspective. good luck this weekend! the house is looking great from an outsider's point of view... :)
Posted by: Liz at June 26, 2008 11:04 AM