There are moments of being a parent that life does not prepare you for. You don’t know what’s coming and you don’t know how it impacts you. If you’re someone like me, then most of parenthood comes as a surprise, but sometimes you have an emotion you didn’t see coming.
On Friday I got to help out at the twins’ school, as a helper to a fund-raising disco the PTA was having.
And there I was, helping. I was on “patrol”, to make sure students weren’t in places they weren’t supposed to be (like classrooms, which might be tempting when the teacher isn’t watching!) and to shout at anyone caught running in the halls. Inside the main hall a dad of a student was running a disco stand, complete with shiny lights. The kids were all in their finest. Including my two.
And their excitement could nearly be bottled. As they danced their way through song after song, giggling and happy, I felt like I could float along the hallways on the waves of joy from the hall. I peeked into the hall at one point, and there was, laughing and dancing.
On came Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”, which is Nora’s favorite song since she heard it at the panto at Christmas.
She looked at me, smiling, her eyes wide.
She reached a hand out.
Without a second thought, I abandoned the halls to kids who wanted to run through them.
I plunged into the hall, grabbed her hands, and we danced and sang along with 100 other kids, parents and teachers to that ridiculous song. It was just us (Nick was off chasing bubbles being blown by a bubble machine), and for a moment it was me and my daughter, holding hands, dancing and singing at the top of our lungs.
I will bottle that moment as a moment of pure, uninterrupted joy and when I think of it, I smile.
Their happiness has a way of hitting me directly in the chest. I remember their raptuorous expressions while watching “In The Night Garden Live”. It made me tear up. Spinning my little girl around as he held her hands in the air caused me to tear up.
I got to see it again on Saturday.
We found a brilliant deal on the web and are taking all 4 kids on the Eurostar, to go to Eurodisney next week at half-term (like Spring Break). We decided to break the news to them by showing them a photo of the Magic Castle.
This is their reaction.
(That’s Alastair in the background, booking up the last details of the trip.)
All they can talk about is “roller posters”, princesses, trains (Nick gets to ride the Eurostar and is beyond excitement about it), and Paris. What they don’t know is that Nick will get to ride “roller posters” (I love that he calls them that) with his much adored older brother (and Nick loves a good roller coaster) while Nora is going to have the chance to be a princess for a day – they do their hair, they get a crown and a dress and the park princesses all call her a princess, too. It may be stereotypical, but it is absolutely the one thing that her heart wants.
And that happiness they have, it fills me up.
They don’t tell you in the books that when your small people are happy it can make you cry with happiness, that it is so amazing you can fly.
When I was at their school – which is a religious C of E school which often we struggle with – I saw a quote which made me gasp. It said: “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. – Jeremiah 1:5″. I am not even a little bit religious and I don’t know that I even agree with that statement, but a part of me wanted to sit down when I read that. It’s maybe not that I knew them. It’s that every day I get to be a part of them, it feels like I could never have been anything else.
When they are that happy, and when you get to be a part of that happiness, it is unlike any joy I have ever known in my life.
Like, ever.
-S.
I’m a complete atheist, but wow is that quote powerful. It reminds me so much of every time my daughter does something she knows she shouldn’t she gives me this glance. And I KNOW that glance inside out because it is my glance.
And the joy thing? Completely.
Shannon, we went with our daughter, SIL and granddaughter to Disney World in September. Waiting for the gates to open, I looked over at my daughter with tears of happiness holding her daughter who had the biggest smile. I knew at that time it was the best day I ever experienced as a Mom. I wish the same for you.
Beautiful! Have a wonderful trip!
As I read this post I reflects upon the path you navigated to get here. I reflected upon the first time we took our oldest daughter to Disney in Orlando. Same joy. Same tears. And the terror I felt when waiting for gates to open she, so excited, jerked her hand from mine and disappeared into the crowd. The relief when. Found her. And the of watching her joy. Remember like yesterday- 35 years ago.
May ths trip be a special as can be.
I also reflected upon how much I enjoy and look forward to your posts – especially since I know th will be ending all too soon.
Thanx for sharing.
You know what, Shannon? You are a STELLAR mum.
What you said. And just wait until they accomplish something really major. The pride and joy you will feel will send you completely over the top. You have so much happiness in your future!
Have fun at Disney!
I started crying big fat happy years when I found my boys curled up in the chair in our master reading while I put E down last night. J was so concerned that something was wrong and all I could get out was that they were especially happy tears. I was nearly bowled over by the overwhelming love they have for each other and that I am lucky enough to witness it everyday. I had put off so many dreams as we fought to build our family, and now when they come true I’m startled by how powerful the emotions come on and how many tears they bring. You must be so excited to make so many of their dreams come true, what a sight that will be! It’s especially fun this next phase of parenting this kids who are getting so big.
When my son was about 3 yrs old, he was consumed by books of whales, dolphins, turtles, etc. Wherever we went tucked under his little arms were books which he looked at over and over and read (he actually taught himself to read at the age of two). He could tell you every fact and story he knew about the killer whales (which were his favorite, however dolphins were definately a close second). This fascination never wained as he entered into grade school. He still carried the books around with him whenever possible. Of course new books were added and he now needed a backpack which he took with him everywhere. I use to worry that he was not connecting with the world outside the car windows when we would go on drives to see new places and have new adventures. He was always willing to go and see new things, however the books were always with him and whenever it was time to sit and rest or eat, out would come the books and once again he was with “his whales.” Finally at the age of 6 we took him to the aquarium in Vancouver, BC and there before his very eyes in an underground viewing area was a killer whale. He placed his hands and face against the glass to try to get as close as possible to this friend he had carried in books with him for so long. I cannot begin to express the feelings that were reeling through me as I watched my son. And as you, I was crying with the overwhelming emotions I was experiencing watching this little boy who meant everything to me seeing this amazing whale who meant everything to him. After some time and also getting ahold of my emotions myself, I leaned over to him and said”well there he is in real life, so is he just as cool as you thought he would be?” He turned looked up at me and with all the joy and wonder a six year old could express, he clasped his hands together and jumped up and down, unable to control his happiness and excitement and said to me “Now all my dreams have come true!” This little boy at this moment in time and in his life truly believed that nothing ever ever was going to be as wonderful as this moment was. My heart shattered in a gazillion different pieces that day of just pure happiness and joy and having this beautiful little boy to share this moment with. It’s been twenty years since that moment and I still cry everytime I think of that day. Sometimes life is just so wonderful it hurts so bad in such a good way.
I agree with Anna!
As I said in the past, each age keeps getting better and better. You lose some of that pure joy of a 5 year old, but it gets replaced with more mature joy of pre-teens & teens. I haven’t gotten past that part yet. :)
I like the Jer 1:5 quote. Even if I wasn’t a Christian, I could see why someone would want to believe that verse and others like it. Who wouldn’t want a loving Father that’s known and loved them since before birth? And as Christian, it’s very comforting to have a God like that.
*** Warning!! Warning Will Robinson!! ***
A warning to Disney bound parents. Disney is NOT the happiest place on earth. The dance you just described and the Sunday you described a week or two ago. THOSE are the happiest places on earth.
Kids know “it’s all about them” when they’re at Disney, and kids can be really selfish. So when you say we can’t do this or that, it can erupt into a tantrum or massive disappointment. Angel1 & 2 didn’t do this a lot, but they did do it some; and we couldn’t walk 5 minutes without seeing some parent dragging a whining/crying brat who wasn’t getting his way. That was way less happy than the dance you described. : )
It might be good to let them know ahead of time that this is their day (or days), but that they may not get every single thing they want, and they need to have happy hearts when they don’t.
Yes.
The first time I took my son on a real actual train, all the strangers on the platform were smiling as he kept squealing “this is going to be so AWESOME!!” There is nothing like seeing that joy. It can be overwhelming.
I’m tearing up again. I have felt those moments of joy with all of my three kids and I wouldn’t take a zillion bucks for the memories. Same with my grandkids.
So beautifully expressed, as usual. Thanks for making me feel your joy as well as my own!
Wow. It’s been way too long since I visited here. I can hardly believe how grown your small people are! It sounds like you are happy – and about to get markedly more so! This makes my heart smile.