I sometimes wish there was a test to tell you which way you lean.
Not physically, in case you have a limp. Not even from a romantic point of view. But political. Things change. People change. It’s not always easy to tell who is supporting what any more, and as a result it’s not easy for me to always see so black and white (I suppose I see things in shades of red). I was a Democrat in the States. In fact, I was a bleeding heart liberal (I never saw the insult in the “bleeding heart” of the liberal – I cared, I bled, so?) I think I’m significantly less bloody of the heart now, but how different? I was a Lib Dem/Labour supporter in the UK (I would go Labour but the Millibands creep me out, and although I am not a Tory I don’t have a problem that they are Eton-educated Conserative establishment. They’re clever and rich and went to school there. And? It’s not like any political leaders have much in common with me, just add them to the list.) And now I don’t really know what I am now. I’m staunchly not Tea Party nor British National Party (writes the foreign immigrant). I’m staunchly not Monster Raving Loony Party (yes, that’s real).
But am I staunchly anything?
And is there a test to tell me what I am?
I would imagine it needs to contain the following (and for the avoidance of doubt, these are my preferences, I am not pushing them on anyone else nor am I judging. Also, to be clear I get that some of them need answers for how they’re to be done, and I’m not addressing this in my test of what party I should be):
- I believe in state-run, tax-payer subsidized healthcare that allows access for medical treatment to everyone (we can simply call this one “I believe in the NHS”)
- I am pro-choice
- I am anti-death penalty
- I believe that children should be vaccinated
- I believe in welfare
- I also believe that there should be noticeable reduction in the number of people on welfare (she writes, having known someone who was on welfare all their adult life because they said (and I quote) “I would work, but working can be stressful.”)
- I believe popsicles shouldn’t have wooden sticks in them because I can’t stand the feel of my teeth against them.
- I believe countries should be obligated to invest in renewable energy sources and should be penalized for inappropriate over-usage of dinosaur fuels
- I believe that if I have it as a right, then a gay or lesbian couple should have the exact same right
- I believe in gun control
- I believe that tea parties are for children and their imaginary bunnies
- I believe in one piece swimsuits for young children
- I believe in reducing debt to protect the future
- I believe in the local production of goods and not importing everything under the sun
- I believe that education should be compulsory until the age of 18
- I believe that global warming is real and that we should all stop being assholes about it
- I believe that people on long-term unemployment who are holding out for management positions should have a reality check
- I believe that if a man and a woman working in a company with the same skill set and ratings should be paid the same amount, and if they aren’t then the company should be fined heavily for being twats
- I believe that women who force new mothers to break down in tears over their choices of breastfeeding or bottle feeding should serve jail time (or at least be subjected to 12 uninterrupted hours of Spice Girls per tear-inducing comment)
- I believe Pop-Tarts should be unfrosted
- I believe a postcode lottery system for fertility funding should be scrapped and a more balanced system put in place
- I believe if one has a 4×4 then they’d better be fucking using it to go off-road and herd some cows
- I believe the physio and rehabilitation therapy should be more readily available to get people mobile, healthy, and back to work
- I believe you can never be too prepared for a zombie invasion
- I believe that if a woman can do it, a man can too
- I believe university educations should be free (like they used to be)
- I believe governments have the responsibility to look after its people and I believe its people have the responsibility to no take the piss
- I believe in the Scandinavian style of maternity and paternity leave – up to a year of paid leave and the dad is required by law to have one month of that leave
- I believe in the Scandinavian style of nursery care as well
- I believe discrimination due to religion, sex, skin color, relationship preferences, or length of your toes in any situation – school, jobs, airport scans, vending of hot dogs – should be illegal
- I believe the extended weather forecast is one of the most important screen checks of the day
- I believe those little laws put in place that require warrants before conversations get listened to and emails get read should be put back in place
- I believe that religion has absolutely no place whatsoever in school systems or in government
- I believe that if the title has “Desperate Housewives” in it then the show should be cancelled
- I believe in evolutionism
- I believe everyone should be literate, and further to that every child should be encouraged to read every single day
- I believe that in a fight between Batman and Superman it’d be close but Batman would ultimately win
- I believe that countries are ultimately rather like (but not exactly like) big businesses, however they have a duty of care to their “employees” that corporations today do not need to command
- I believe that womanhood and motherhood are not mutually exclusive, but neither do they have to be definitions
- I believe that taxpayers have obligations to society (including the education system) to ensure that future generations don’t wind up pointlessly rioting in London (or insert large city of choice in its place)
- I believe that exotic animals shouldn’t be pets, nor should animals that are the size of a teacup be carried around in handbags as an accessory
- I believe in government by the people and for the people, but I also think direct democracy is a shower of shit
- I believe there should be something for people like me – people who are sick of criminals getting away with it, sick of promises that politicians (across all parties) don’t keep, sick of being told what’s best for us when the truth is, most politicians seem to have lost touch with what’s best for us.
So what party does that make me? Am I blue? Am I red? I have no idea. Am I missing anything that I should be believing in? I know that I’m pretty damn sick of all the grey political areas so far (and thank God Facebook has that “hide this story” feature).
PS – note, this isn’t a post to attack any specific candidates or posts. I’m not writing to flash anyone up or piss anyone off (and please, withhold the death threats, eh?) This is me genuinely wondering which box I would tick in an election. Genuinely wondering.