My fabulous father has just been here for a visit (you may have seen it – he brought a Santa. It’s the one time of the year when I don’t care if the meter spins). While here, we did many things including but not limited to taking the twins to breakfast – twice – at the local cafe, thereby allowing Nora to indulge in her Continental airs, going to McDonald’s, and riding an old-fashioned steam train with the extended family and singing Christmas carols.
At which point lemme’ just point out that an American education in Christmas carols and a British education in carols are two different things. For instance – “Once in Royal David’s City”? Not a song my people are familiar with. The tune you sing to “O Little Town of Bethlehem”? Words are the same, completely different tune. And above all, there are the declarations.
Allow me, please, to be entirely un-PC and state thus: You will never, ever hear me say “Happy Holidays”. “Season’s Greetings” is, also, seriously pants. It is Merry Christmas (and not CHRISTmas, either. Caps lock is not a disease we need to spread). If you are Jewish then it is Happy Hanukkah. I do not recognize Kwanzaa unless you are mis-pronouncing that Australian airline with the perfect air safety record, then I’ll just correct you. It’s not because I’m a racist (I’m not in the slightest, so please don’t suspect otherwise) but I don’t see why a made-up holiday needs to become part of my holiday parlance. I don’t get offended if anyone wishes me a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hanukkah, a Happy Pancha Ganapati or a Good Ashura. I would hope people don’t get offended if I don’t wish them the wrong thing. So Merry Christmas it is.
Only it isn’t.
Over here, it’s Happy Christmas.
This is something which set very poorly with my father.
“Happy Christmas?” he roared. “Who says that?”
“Well, only about 60 odd million people here in the UK,” replied my husband mildly.
“That’s ridiculous!” my father spluttered “So you say ‘Happy Christmas and Happy New Year?’”
“You do indeed,” Alastair replied.
“That’s too much happy!” My father retorted, clearly a glass half empty kind of guy.
It’s hard enough living in a land where phrases and metaphors don’t really make sense from where I’m from. These sayings often play in my head like slapstick or – for reasons I’m not entirely clear on – like a PowerPoint presentation. For example:
In this country, you don’t get pregnant. You fall pregnant.
Instead of someone popping by or coming ’round (which raises puns of its own), they come knock you up.
And I still can’t get past the fact that a flashlight is called a torch.
But I know what my dad’s on about regarding his sheer indignation over holiday salutations – I can’t say “Happy Christmas”, either. It feels irreverent. It feels wrong. I quite like “Merry Christmas”. It just sings out to me, the name an illustration of carols, good cheer, twinkly lights, and all soaked in a heavy dose of brandy. I can’t get behind “Happy Christmas”. I’ll call it a mobile, fill my car with petrol, push a pram, wrap infants in nappies and collect the post but as god is my witness I’ll never call it “Happy Christmas”.
So England – I love you to bits and living here is a dream come true, but I’ll always be wishing people a Merry Christmas.
Oh yeah. And while we’re at it – he’s Santa. Not Father Christmas.
-S.
By “pants” you mean TOTALLY AWESOME, right? ;-p
Okay, now that I’ve read the whole post (I got distracted at the pants thing, okay?!), I have to say…. The only time it’s “Happy Christmas” is at the beginning of Wham!’s “Last Christmas.” And unless you’re George Michael, no. Even Andrew Ridgely didn’t get to say it.
And I hate those “keep calm” signs with just about everything I have, but I quite like this one! Pardon me, I’ma pin it.
Never in my life have I come to knock anyone up. That must be a regional thing. Definitely Happy Christmas though but only if it is by itself if you are doing it with Happy New Year in card it’s Merry.
No no no no no NO NO. He’s Father Christmas. Or if you insist, Babbo Natale. Santa is a cute nickname, OK, I grant you, but still. St Nicholas, even. But to ME, Father Christmas. And sherry and mince-pie and carrots for the reindeer (of whom Rudolph is emphatically NOT one. No. Bother Rudolph and his allergic rhinitis anyway).
Am baffled. I always say ‘Merry Christmas’. I love the word ‘merry’. Merry merry merry. So there.
BUT, in the famous AMERICAN poem ‘A visit from St. Nicholas’, you know, the one that starts ‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house…’ – the last four lines describe St. Nick (oh, OK, Santa to you) thusly:
‘He sprung to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew, like the down of a thistle:
But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight —
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night.’
SO THERE.
(But then I was dragged up in Foreign Parts and I’m not really a Christian even though I was forced to several denominations of Church as a small and easily confused child, so I my opinion on any of it is worth approximately diddly-squat).
(Also, my Inner Nerd is showing something drastic, isn’t she? Has anyone got a calculator I can give her to play with while the rest of us talk like humans?)
Happy Merry Happy Merry Christmas. All my “Night before Christmas”books read “….. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night”. But really – who cares! I do agree with you about Kwanzaa (really? two “a’s”?) cuz it is made up. I just hope everybody in your house (and ours!) gets what they want for Christmas. Which is love and family.
No Kwanzaa cake for you! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=we2iWTJqo98
I get offended by people telling me Merry Christmas because I’m a pain in the ass and somehow get satisfaction out of being indignant. Also, I’m one of those Jews who looks, acts, and according to one of my friends, dresses Jewishtastically so it’s not like I’m totally unjustified in expecting a little Hanukkah cheer from the employees at Target who are bagging my Hanukkah banner, Hanukkah door hanger, and Hanukkah cat sweater. That said, I’d gladly trade being wished a Merry Christmas every day for the rest of my life for the cashier at 7-11 to stop asking me why I haven’t accepted Jesus into my heart.
However, protesting of nativity scenes and banning of school holiday/Festivus parties is bogus and even as an indignant atheist Jewish Grinch I want to throw shit at the TV when they cover the local chapter of Self-Righteous Atheist R Us bitching about how the giant light-up Santa in the town center is an affront to separation of Church and State.
Thank you so much! I needed that fantastic laugh!
You made me laugh a lot with this. However, there is no Santa in this house, only Father Christmas, which is no laughing matter!
Oh false advertising! From the title I was expecting a yummy, yummy recipe :) Off to google stuffed tomatoes for christmas brunch…
hehehe. Falling pregnant makes it sound like a disease.
The only time I hear “Happy Christmas” is when I am watching Harry Potter, and then it just seems so very formal – like something you would say when you are being all snooty and superior, not a real holiday greeting. Can you imagine singing “We Wish You a Happy Christmas?” there’s no flow to it at all. Too choppy.
Happy Hanukkah, D! (Jewtastic! I can’t wait to tell my Israeli friends about that!)
D – I think I love you! Merry Hanukkah.
I will not buy that Father Christmas nonsense for this reason – your average 2 year old can master a good heartfelt “SANTA!!!” but Father Christmas is just awkwardly wordy. It’s all about the children, you know. I’m not pushing my own agenda at all.
Falling pregnant just makes no sense whatsoever. Where is there falling involved in the whole process? Of course, “get” pregnant doesn’t make much sense either.
I could have these semantics discussions all day… Stick me in the nerd corner with May.
D you made me cackle. Merry Hanukkah!
A friend I have in the Netherlands has explained to her (born American) kids that Santa is, essentially, a franchise operation. So in the Netherlands they get the Sint (Sinterklaas), the U.S. gets Santa, the U.K. Father Christmas, and so on. I’m still awaiting the explanation of Starman, however.*
*Back thirteen or fourteen years ago, I was home for Christmas and my city decided to have a drive-through lights thing. We piled in the van, my parents in the front row, some fairly quiet friends of theirs in the second row, and my sister (also visiting) and I in the back, chattering like magpies. Now, my dad was born in the U.S. to Polish immigrant parents, so he had a fairly traditional Polish holiday upbringing. The lights thing had a low-watt radio broadcast that cycled through various cultures’ traditions in celebrating Christmas. So they get to Poland, and say something like “Polish children get presents twice. Once from St. Nicholas,” and my dad nods, “and once from Starman,” and my dad nearly crashes the car. My sister and I break into Jeff Bridges jokes, the family in the middle row is acting more and more baffled, and my dad is trying to figure out who the heck this Starman character is supposed to be. I think the most we figured out is that it’s supposed to be the first star on Christmas Eve and somebody must have really been hitting the sauce to get the idea that weirdly wrong.
P.S. Just read “Adventures in Little Peopleville” and Mommy. Melt. ❤
Sorry for the caps lock disease. I started doing “CHRISTmas” 20+ years ago when I realized (must…resist…habit) Christmas isn’t really about Christ, even though I’d like it to be. I figured it’d catch on after 5 or 10 years…it hasn’t. : )
I truly hope you, your family, and your readers have a very Merry CHRISTmas!! (sorry, couldn’t resist) : )
That’s too much happy. I think I love your dad.
I knew I hadn’t been telling the boys enough about Santa when I pulled out a Chrustmas golden book with his cheery countenance on the front and Monty (2 1/2) exclaimed – It’s Uncle Christmas! Where he got that I have no idea, but God it made me laugh.
Funny..same here in Australia! I refuse to say Happy Christmas, it sounds ridiculous! And falling pregnant makes me laugh every single time. Another that totally frekas me out: rubber = eraser. Merry Christmas to you & your family!
As much as I adore British accents and most British slang (seriously, Doctor Who makes me happy just by TALKING because even though I don’t understand half the things he says, he sounds brilliant and clever while saying it) I have to agree with you that “Merry Christmas” just sounds…jollier.
Merry Christmas, by the way!
Frohe Weihnachten to you all :) In Germany it’s the Christkind (Kind = Child, so I think it’s a kind of Baby Jesus) who’ll give lots of presents to the children. Only to the nice kids, that is. Not to me.
Merry Christmas Shannon!