As the twins get older, I am more and more confronted by a very sobering, very depressing realization which has me feeling mildly weepy and more than a little angry with my change in both maturity and the intrinsic link between one’s own formative years and their ability to get warped over time:
I want to punch most children’s TV characters in the face.
Is it just me? Is it? I look back on my childhood TV with something akin to televisual hallucinations. It was a good time to love TV, it was an idyll that you swam in the warm, slightly over-colorized styles of. What was not to love? We had Captain Kangaroo, who looking back is actually just a little bit creepy. We had Shirttales – you know, animals whose T-shirts gave away their every emotion (strangely, none of their shirts ever read “Will you step off and give me a little freakin’ space?”). Smurfs – they who had sheer disdain for idleness and turned the name “Gargamel” into an oath, instead of the potential name of a plaque deterrent rinse. The triumvirate of syrup – Rainbow Brite, Strawberry Shortcake and My Little Pony. The three shows were enough to eat through your tooth enamel with its sweetness but goddammit at the end you sure as shit felt like skipping, smiling and sharing and that’s not even taking the Care Bears into consideration (which would send you into an insulin – induced coma).
The Pink Panther came and went in a fog of cotton candy pink coolness. Inspector Gadget managed to survive but should Penny and Brain ever disappeared, the bad guys who had been desperate to give the Inspector a thumping for his ridiculous “Go-go Gadget!” shout would definitely take his toys and beat the snot out of him. We had She-Ra, who although she ought to have re-thought the headgear (how did she keep that from snagging on things?) was not only an early feminist but fought a group called the Evil Horde – now that’s what I call truth in advertising right there. There was a lot of shit too though – who in the hell liked Woody Woodpecker (what must have been the bane to all hangover suffering parents out there), Heckle and Jeckle, and don’t get me started on Count Duckula. I was also possibly the only American child who never saw a single episode of Pee Wee’s Playhouse, but that’s because I hated Pee Wee Herman with a passion that I spread equally amongst my dislike for Mr. Bean. But childhood TV was just fabulous, from the Hall of Justice right down to the ovulation – inducing Muppet Babies.
But now…now I despair.
Truly.
Did our parents hate our cartoons as much I loathe the modern ones? The twins don’t watch much TV at all, actually – they get about 30 minutes after their breakfast and before the leave for nursery, and they get twenty minutes before bed of they’ve been good. On weekends we do watch one film together, almost without exception something from the Toy Story line now that Polar Express is parked for another 10 months. But those short bursts of TV are enough to make me want to punch a few TV programmers.
Current offenders (and it doesn’t include that which I’ve written about before, which is less face punching, more “I’d appreciate this more if I were on psychotropic medication):
Grandpa in My Pocket – while technically not a cartoon, it’s definitely high on the hate list. A grandpa who lives in a seaside house with his family puts on his flat cap and shrinks down to mouse size and solving some silly mix-up that’s somehow gone wrong. Luckily for me the twins hate this one as much as I do. Unluckily for us, I swear CBeebies is showing this programme every twenty minutes.
Tweenies – ok, they sing. Very cute. They are also the things that nightmares are made of – giant creepy things with big heads and even bigger feet that have (strangely) very scrawny legs. They talk in voices that make you want to shout at the TV “Dear god, use your grown up people voice!” The twins love them, although luckily CBeebies moved them off the mornings.
Noddy – Noddy is an old cartoon made new again, and from what I gather from Alastair it was just a fucking annoying the last time. It’s the saccharine cheese that gums up your mouth and leaves a nasty taste for the rest of the workday.
Mr. Men – true, they had Mr. Men when I was a kid. I honestly don’t remember them being weird, vindictive little sods back then though. They were also less annoying. Maybe that’s because I remember them in book form (which also must have pissed off parents who parted with $5 a pop for a book with about 10 pages in it).
Dora the Explorer – Nora adores her. I find her the number one “punch in the face” candidate though. I want to punch her, her mate Diego, and her damn monkey Boots. I’d appreciate it if she didn’t bust out into Spanish as well, although truthfully all the Spanish I know today I learned from my beloved Sesame Street (which my children have no clue about and it makes me weep so I have bought a poster to go into the house which may or may not be defined as moderately creepy).
Peppa Pig – another of Nick and Nora’s favorites, I don’t actually mind them as they’re cute and innocuous and hop instead of walk, but I think my brain may explode if I ever see a cartoon where they’re looking face-on instead of in profile. I get upset that they’re in 2D, then I remember they’re cartoons.
I can’t be alone in the hate, am I?
-S.
BLLLEEERURUUGGGGHHHH!
Erm… No!
Yo Gabba Gabba makes me want to stab my eyeballs with a fork and remove my ears from my body. We don’t watch it at home EVER, but I’ve seen it around.
Do you have Postman Pat over there? When I lived in England, Postman Pat was awesome. I haven’t seen it in about 25 years though, so my memory may be skewed.
I loved the gummy bears. I have to admit that I didn’t see pee wee because my parents found him creepy. I can see their point. The smurfs rocked as did the Muppets. I have to say that I do wonder why the grandfather doesn’t just get a new cap, and why there are so many annoying puppets on television.
Grandpa in my pocket is abysmal but seems to go down well here. Part of me thinks it is good that parents hate all of it. I expect we wouldn’t have a rosy glow about the Clangers or Rhubarb and Custard if our parents thought they were fab too.
Say “Backpack! Backpack!”. Dora *punch*.
As for the Tweenies, I told me eldest (when he was 3) that he couldn’t watch it – because that was what happened to children who drank soda. (I’m not kidding).
Honestly – I don’t mind Peppa pig, I think the snorting is kind of cute, but OMG did I ever have a hard time with “Me Too”. Granny Murray. “Granny” Murray who looked about 32, but was about as annoying as the most annoying female relative you’ve ever had, and don’t even get me started on the other characters. Riverseefingle? Dear God, please stop!
I’ve had less exposure to UK children’s tv, although one of my friends (who has no kids and doesn’t live with people who have them) informed me recently that she likes Peppa Pig. Dora the Explorer (since it’s on over here as well) makes me want to hurl things at the tv. Also in the US there’s Max & Ruby which has so many things wrong with it, I generally want to cry when I find out that a friend’s kids like it.
I am probably one of the few people I know who didn’t grow up with cartoons. Up until I was 8, I was unaware that there were channels other than PBS if you didn’t have cable. So I grew up on Sesame Street, Mr Rogers, Shining Time Station, and the other things PBS showed back before PBS showed cartoons (now they show the traditional Sesame Street type things as well as cartoons such as Arthur -which is based on the Arthur the Anteater books).
The kids’ TV I grew up with in Italy alternated between saccharine to the point of retinopathy – even as teeny kids we hated and hated and hated it – and weirdly violent imported Japanese manga which were ACTUALLY FOR GROWN-UPS but were shown to children because, hey, they were cartoons, weren’t they? I think I grew up more than a little warped on the subject of heroic suffering and kicking villains in the head. On the few occasions we stayed long enough in Blighty to watch the telly, I fell madly in love with Danger Mouse.
I erm … Cough … I reallly like grandpa in my pocket. How can you hate sunny sands?
Rory is ADDICTED to peppa and big barn farm. Sigh.
However I’m taking him to see peppa live in march and I’m so excited I’m embarassed :0)
Oh, I hate Dora and Diego so much that I told my daughter that we didn’t get the channel on which they’re broadcast (she watches it at Grandma’s). However, she’s been torturing me with videos from the library. Awful. Horrible.
She has lately taken an interest in Anne of Green Gables, which is made in Canada (naturally!) and broadcast on PBS. I don’t know what the attraction is, but I roll with it. It’s far better than Dora. She also likes Scooby Doo, but we have to get that on video. She was never interested in Sesame Street to watch, but we have a collection of books and she’s been making me read those to her for months.
Shows I do like: Shaun the Sheep – but they no longer play it and have replaced it with the extremely annoying Timmy Time, and Phineas and Ferb – which is probably too advanced for my 4 year old, but I find it hilarious and so we watch it. But really, it celebrates creativity and evil always loses – who can argue with that?
Nope, not alone. At the moment thanks to Amy getting older and having more opinions on what she will and won’t watch, the only thing on commercial tv that gets enjoyed is Strawberry Shortcake which is still as sweet as the sweetest sweet thing. Stella is Dora obsessed which is actually quite convenient because we have a lot of Dora left over from when Amy went through the same phase. I actually refuse to watch most of the other drivel on tv with my girls and would much rather put on a dvd for some down time. That said, I do use the tv babysitter most days while cleaning the bathroom and making dinner. My favourite show from my childhood was The Gummy Bears, love, love, love them and actually might sit down with Amy today and see what she thinks!
Dora drives me insane. And the European in me hates that it’s not Spanish Spanish pronunciations…
Peppa Pig is a spoilt little brat, but I like the rest of the family!
The wonder of the iPad has meant Moo’s pre-nursery telly is old-style TV on the iPad – she’s currently loving Button Moon, and likes Ivor the Engine as well. I don’t think they would have been popular shoes in the USA…
But in our house? It’s really all about the Show Me Show Me. Which to be honest, is pretty inoffensive. And lights up Moo’s face.
(Oh, and HereWeGoAJen – postman pat? Yes, we still have Postman Pat. Except he’s been updated… The special delivery service now has a helicopter and other interesting means of transport. Highly annoying. Bet the post office wished they’d had those for local deliveries when the snow came…)
The Chieftain watches too much tv. I’d love to have him watch less, but, y’know, maternal sanity must also be kept. Our favorites are Show Me Show Me, Chuggington, Postman Pat SDS, Bob the Builder, along with a couple of good American shows, Curious George (movie #1 is possibly the best toddler movie EVER) and the Fresh Beat Band, the Upside Down Show. I am grateful he is not entranced by Yo Gabba Gabba or, oddly enough, Thomas the Tank Engine.
My least favorite movie he used to watch is Cars…grr. Seriously, for a movie for kids the sexual innuendo is downright disgusting. Finding Nemo is watchable only for Ellen DeGeneres.
And Peewee’s Playhouse still rocks.
Joining you in hating hating hating Dora.
But I’ve finally found In the Night Garden here and am saving it to watch on DVD when I finally have a moment….
I hate, HATE big cook little cook – vacuous
We do Postman Pat here, he’s ok (although the helicopter? Really?)
Show Me Show Me is also popular in this house, and it is cute and harmless (although screams of “Mummy must fawn over something unreconizable”).
And Abs – we also hate Big Cook Little Cook. Alastair won’t watch it because he’s convinced Little Cook smells.
Octonauts is the new favourite in our house, and its not too bad.
For me its Norman from Fireman Sam. I really really want to punch him in the face and he is only a child. Thats wrong isn’t it?
You didn’t like Count Duckula? He still counts as amongst my faves (along with any thing else from the Cosgrove Hall studio). I’ve always hated the US import shows … something about the accent used to grate and Dora falls into this group with irritating ease.
I’m not up to speed on all of the current output but obv things like In the Night Garden are cool. I also quite like Charlie and Lola as a concept even though the kids sound a little preppy at times.
And Postman Pat has a helicopter? WTF???
A,
I have to agree about Phineus & Ferb. Not only is it clever, it’s very funny for me (45), my daughters (16 & 13), and my son (3). He loves it.
Everyone,
On my “hate” list: Yo Gaba Gaba; Max & Ruby, Wow Wow Wubbsy, and (most of all) SpongeBob Squarepants.
On my “love” list: Phineus & Ferb, Scooby Doo, Batman, and Thomas the Tank Engine.
My biggest “issue” is with Disney: once a wholesome entity putting forth good ideals who you felt at least wanted what was good for our kids; now it’s just exploiting kids & prepping them to go from innocent childhood to gyrating on MTV. The videos of Selema Gomez, the Jonas Brothers, & Demi Lovato are all just a notch below what you see on VH1 & MTV, and kids from 0-16 are watching them. They show them as commercials, so you can’t even avoid them by turning off certain shows.
Sadly, Disney knows what sells music, and they exploit that. If only they put that much energy into providing tv that’s truly healthy for our kids.
Agree with all of these except Mr Men – I love Mr Men. What’s not to like?
My almost 6 year old was a big playhouse disney fan. His favorite at 3 was Mickey Mouse and there were days when I really wanted to off the mouse, but by and large it was still more tolerable than Higleytown heroes (I purposely changed it when that show came on) Disney either has cancelled it or buried it so very far that I dont even see ads for it. I also couldn’t get into the Wiggles at all – i know there are a lot of Wiggles fans but ugh it just bothered me on so many levels. So our faves at the age your two are at are Mickey Mouse, Handy Manny, Oso (hes ok), and then of course Bob the Builder and Thomas (I finally got the hang of Thomas even though its so so repetitive – I still love using the word ‘cranky’ for stuff and claiming something caused ‘confusion and delay’). We absolutely love love love Phineas and Ferb – it is probably the only show we watch exclusively at this point. So clever, and fun. There is a lot of the humor that goes over my almost 6 year olds head but it doesnt escape us and my son is all about building and creating stuff so its wonderful. Now if we could just get some new episodes again. :-) Oh I forgot my nod to Imagination Movers – a very clever show. Once again, very repetitive as its geared toward pretty young so my son isn’t as keen on it anymore. But what’s not to like about 4 relatively attractive young guys smiling a lot and dancing? And being fairly clever. :-)
R. LOVES Phineas and Ferb! He tells me all the time that he’s going to build an invention invention-inator. Which if you’ve seen Phineas and Ferb is pretty damn funny. My husband and I watch Phineas and Ferb with him because it’s clever.
My boy also loves the old skool cartoons like Scooby Doo and Tom and Jerry. He full on belly laughs over Tom and Jerry, which makes me laugh. He will watch any of the old cartoons except The Flintstones. He doesn’t like them.
He also likes Dora and Diego. My beef with them is that NO! You don’t really need to say it louder. For the love of all that is good in this world.
He also likes Curious George, Super Why and Cat in the Hat.
He also likes Little Einsteins. Which I will say he has recognized classical music from those episodes. We’ve been out and he’ll say “Mommy, that’s Wolfbang Ammaday Motzart.” Because in the cartoon they say the whole name, so that’s how he knows it. He also knows some of the more famous artists too. Which is kinda cool, but I realize can sound a bit pretentious, but that’s truly not how I mean it, because I could give a rat’s ass about art and art history. I went to Italy and didn’t step foot in one art museum. :)
R will also tattle on himself if he starts watching something he knows I don’t want him to watch, like most of the cartoons on Cartoon Network. Some of these cartoons are just horrid. The characters treat their friends horribly, they say stupid and shut up, which I can’t stand.
I just read Jennifer’s comment and I LOATHE Oso. For a secret agent, he has to be the dumbest Secret Agent EVER!
Even as a kid I never really liked cartoons. I used to watch Bugs Bunny sometimes (which I’m surprised no one has mentioned). I’d watch Underdog, Fractured Fairy Tales, and Bullwinkle if I got up early enough. Sometimes Scooby Doo. My mom didn’t like us watching tv and we usually had to do chores on Saturday morning. My favorite show was the CBS Children’s Film Festival, which used to show films about children from all over the world… hosted by Kukla, Fran, and Ollie. I don’t watch cartoons these days because I don’t have kids. I imagine it would be as much fun as nails on a chalkboard.
My niece loves Kipper the Dog, which she found on Netflix and can watch hours and hours of the show. She nearly drove me nuts with the song playing over and over again.
It’s cute, but not at 4 hours at a time.
Re: OSO. I can only really tolerate the little bugger because he came out after my son was not really all that interested in him. So its maybe only a handful of times I’ve actually sat and watched him. I agree, he is really stupid! :-)
Growing up in Dallas, you’ll understand this – but I had a horrible aversion/borderline phobia of Mr. Peppermint.
No Fraggle Rock in your history?
At our house, the boys watch an embarassing amount of television. (If I ask what’s on tv Julian will helpfully inform me, “Mommy, it’s a television, not a t.v.” I could tolerate Dora and Diego except that the pronunciation is iffy at times, and no, I don’t want to hear “Everybody scream!” Yo Gabba Gabba grew on me quite a bit, but I hate Dino Dan, Max & Ruby, Clifford and Calliou with every bone in my body. Sadly, both boys love Dino Dan. It’s the most annoying show on the face of the planet, but I will say that they can both identify dinosaurs I didn’t even know existed.
Dora the Explorer launched a short-lived and highly inappropriate phenomenon in my sophomore-year dorm community, based off of that “Swiper no swiping” shit – whenever the bad guy on one of the Law and Order iterations would do a bad, bad thing, the immediate reaction from the viewing audience would be something along the lines of “killer, no killing,” or “raper, no raping.” Because, honestly, it’s much more fun to shout useless phrases at the TV when the character is in the middle of a terrible crime than it is to should at whatever badger/coyote/weasel creature Swiper was when he’s stealing a graham cracker (or whatever the hell he steals, thank god my nannying days are over and I can block it out).
I miss Sesame Street – that was some quality programming, there. I learned to count in Spanish, to share, that I should conserve water, and that Mr. Hooper’s death was not only something we could all move past, but apparently had already done as I’d learned of it in a decade-old rerun (yay concise grieving process!). I remember my parents’ grief when Barney came into existence, though. I guess that was the start of this saccharine “let’s all love one another and also freakish characters that should only be seen with the help of LSD” movement. My mom must have had a terrible time trying to explain why the old “I hate you, you hate me, let’s gang up and kill Barney” version of his jingle was inappropriate when really, it was probably started by parents at their wits’ ends.
So glad to be past this shit. I endured Barney, The Wiggles, and *shudder* Teletubbies. That bitch Dora came out when Ronica was a tot. I hated her then, and she’s even worse now.
My nephew watches Toot and Puddle, and my sister and I are convinced that they must be drug dealers because they travel all over the world without any apparent job or obvious finances to fund such trips, and in their travels they are always meeting new “connections”. Makes for a better premise for us adults, anyway.
I really like Shaun but might not be so enthusiastic was it on constant loop. Ditto Bagpuss and the Clangers and Pugwash. Actually, I even like the modern Pugwash.
I think you’re watching the wrong stuff.
L will pretty much watch anything you put on. And I mean anything. Probably because he’s lucky if the TV goes on a few times a week. Some days are worse than others. Like snow days, and such. His absolute favorite is Caillou. He used to love Yo Gabba Gabba when he was younger. It was an obsession, and the only thing he’d really watch, which meant that I have just about every episode still committed to memory, but he can take it or leave it, now. K is just now, at 20 months getting into TV. She likes what he likes, with a special affection for YGG. I’d like to eat a giant bag of mushrooms and watch it, just to see what the creators were thinking.
We also occasionally watch George.
He’s really big into movies now. Favorite being Toy Story, but we’ve slowly started watching the classics.
Being in Canada we get a lot of UK cartoons. Noddy is just creepy. In The Night Garden is weird as hell but my son loves it, therefore I love it. As I can get stuff done when it is on. Waybuloo used to be a favourite but he has lost interest. As he is starting to with ITNG. We sat down and watched some Bugs Bunny and Tweety the other day and he was in stitches! I have feeling I will be PVRing it often.
@Statia My kid is terrified of DJ Lance. If it happens to be on he starts saying “no, no” and backing away from the TV. I thought Yo Gabba Gabba was favourite with every kid.
Fortunately my kid only has enough attention span to really watch like 2 minutes of TV at a time, so I don’t even bother turning the kid shows on for him yet. Sounds like it’s not really something to look forward to though!
The biggest offender in our house is Yo Gabba Gabba, which my 2 1/2 year old loves and I’m hoping is a phase she will grow out of soon. Yo Gabba Gabba Live came to town, and if you think they are weird on TV, seeing them in person is even more bizarre. She just loves it though, so we let her watch it. What other show will teach you such important life lessons like “Don’t bite your friends”?
She also adores Dora, which I don’t mind, and the Backyardigans and Olivia, both of which are actually kind of cute. Max and Ruby is banned in our house, as is Dino Dan.
Oh man, I could write a novel here. The frustrating thing is that my 12 year old STILL loves to watch the “baby” shows. She doesn’t prefer them, and still watches some more age appropriate–though no better–shows. Dora was one of her favorites, though her older sister would often make her cry while she watched it. She did this by pointing out that we never saw Diego’s house, so he must be homeless, and was therefore “Diego The Homeless Boy”
That will still get a rise out of her.
But this should help take the edge off, the next time you have to watch Dora”
http://www.hulu.com/watch/1610/saturday-night-live-tv-funhouse-maraka-and-mittens
Thankfully we are out of the TV phase – but our favorites were Zaboo and Between the Lions though we did Arthur and Postcards from Buster too. Angelina Ballerina inspired my daughter to dance. The poor quality of shows had me buying the pack of the original Electric Company for my daughter, which she loved!!
I am so pleased we are out of that stage. We have gone from there straight to Ben 10! Its very painful isnt it – but then they have watch these programmes and generally do when we are rushing round putting the washing on or making dinner.
I must be the only parent here who finds Yo Gabba Gabba fun, and a lot less annoying than most of the other shows. Statia—I can tell you what the creators were thinking. They were thinking, “We’re big geeks. Let’s make a show for music-loving big geek parents to share with their kids.” You have to understand, one of the creators of the show is in The Aquabats, a band that performs in masks and capes—and the guy the have for their drawing segments is the front man for Devo.
YGG is one of the three shows the kids get. The other two are Little Bear (based on the books illustrated by Maurice Sendak, and harmless) and Jack’s Big Music Show, which is pretty much described by the title. Various musical styles explored in a puppet show with a little plot.
One thing that can be fun to do with a show you hate or find annoying is to do psychological analysis of it, the characters, or the creators. For example, my theory as to why Max and Ruby never seem to have any parents around is that the parents are like furniture: they’re always around, but the kids never, ever notice them.
Don’t know a lot of those shows, but I am SOOOO HAPPY that my 2 year old is obsessed with all things Sesame Street. Seriously, I could (and of course do) watch it several times a day. I also adored Rainbow Brite and such as a kid, but I am pretty sure if I saw it now I would want to stab my eyes out.
Caillou, on the other hand, sucks salty donkey balls. It’s so sappy that it’s literaly drawn in soft focus, with the edges fading out like a dream or cloud or something.
Oh, B, I don’t hate it. I know all about it, being that we’re music geeks (my husband, more than me), but ooh, look at all the pretty rainbows. I’m convinced they were on acid when they created it.