I have not blogged about it, but I have been struggling with feeling very Christmas-y. I couldn’t really get into decorating. I have barely listened to Christmas carols, I’ve not watched my huge library of Christmas films, and Elf has only been played once. I don’t know what it is this year – maybe it’s not leaving the house really for two months. Maybe it’s this family bust up that’s been had. Maybe it’s just an off year for me. But I am well aware that I’m on a slow burn for Christmas this year, in a year when the twins finally get that there’s a Santa Claus out there and they love him.
We have also been dashed against the rocks of Mother Nature.
It’s been ridiculous. The heavy snow fell early December, and although we were somehow spared and only had a few inches, the country was hit hard. Trains were stuck, motorists trapped in their cars overnight, power outages, some even got stuck in a Yorkshire pub for 5 days (which on the surface sounds fun but the reality probably sucked). Our bins weren’t emptied for a month, our post is hideously late (some mail we got last week was postmarked 30 November. Seriously.)
The snow started falling on Saturday. It was lovely and full of thick juicy flakes. It was a lovely day, a calm day, the verge of a perfect day. One week before Christmas and we had tickets to the Santa Special steam train. We were so excited – a great big cooked breakfast, a shower, and the twins were nearly unglued at the idea of not only riding a steam train but of seeing Father Christmas. They’d ballsed up the last visit to Santa, having told us what they wanted to tell him they went paralytic in fright when the big guy was actually face to face. This time they were ready. A train ride with Father Christmas, hot chocolate, mince pies, and then a big pizza lunch at a family favorite restaurant.
One hour before we were due to leave the house to catch the train, they closed the line due to snow.
I got down on my knees in front of the twins and had to explain that the “snow train”, as they called it, was broken due to too much snow.
Nick cried.
So did I.
If I hadn’t moved the tickets from their original purchase ride by a week because of my sodding fucking wrist surgery, our children would have had their train ride with Santa.
We baked wonky looking gingerbread men, watched Polar Express, and read books together as an I’m sorry, as an I love you. Saturday we had the train cancelled. Our energy supplier wrote that they are raising our rates by 20%. We discovered a leaking pipe in the wall between the utility room and the study that not only needed fixing, but had badly impacted the wall.
We went to bed sad.
Alastair couldn’t sleep. I didn’t understand why, but he kept getting up to check his computer. Come 6 am neither of us could sleep so we got up. As I made coffee, Alastair (once more checking his PC) sighed.
“I have something to confess,” he said grimly.
“No sentence that ever started off that way ended well,” I replied, steeling myself.
Alastair couldn’t sleep because he’d been tracking flights. He and my stepmum were in collusion. She was due to fly in with her best friend and a giant lit-up 6 foot high Santa Claus for the twins, to stay with us for two days and relax. Only her flight was diverted due to our atrocious weather.
I despaired. We were gutted. We finally received word that her flight may be going ahead on Monday. At this point it was totally unclear if she would make it or not. Further to that Melissa and Jeff were due on Tuesday the 21st. Everything was up in the air. Alastair and I baked all day on Sunday. We played with the twins. Alastair fixed the leaking pipe.
Monday we went to London Heathrow, which looked like something out of a disaster movie. People were everywhere, on every surface. Queues went on endlessly. Staff tried to direct people but all flights were going nowhere. Travellers were sleeping on floors, sleeping on cardboard, hanging out near electric sockets hoping to re-charge their phones. Everywhere people were wearing “I Love London” sweatshirts which I suspect was a sentiment they definitely weren’t feeling. Maybe you’ve heard, but this country’s come to a standstill. I have colleagues trapped on the continent and I know handful of people impacted by the travel chaos.
Monday my stepmum’s flight was one of only four to make it to that terminal. It took them hours to go from landing to letting people off the plane. She made it.
She was then stuck here (sans Santa) for two days, as her return trip was cancelled.
Melissa and Jeff’s flights have been cancelled and re-booked three times. We hope they arrive on Thursday but right now we just don’t know. Post isn’t making it here – although I have been pro-active in ordering things online, several items haven’t made it. Christmas feels suspended by snow. Maybe it will be. As Melissa is 18 and heading for gap year then university, we know this may be the last family Christmas we have with us and the four children – through marriage, IVF, and hope – that we will ever have.
Casts. Health. Work. Weather. Flights. Family.
I have to find my Christmas spirit. I have three days.
-S.
PS- for hope, there is also the amazing Anna Branford. She sent Nora her latest book. It is lovely, and I recommend her and her book. It’s like finding childhood in book form (honest), and it’s always time to hold on to childhood and all the happiness and hope that it entails.
I think, in spite of all of the obstacles before you, you HAVE the Christmas spirit. Remember, it’s not in the gifts, but in what you make of your time…in your attitude. That is what shapes Christmas. The lesson you teach Nick and Nora through this, then, is how to make the most of crappy circumstances. THAT is what the Christmas spirit is all about. Just my perspective. ;)
I know things are hard and that things seem very in limbo right now, but in the broad scheme of things, you have the things that truly matter close to your heart and a great story to tell in the future.
Ouch, so sorry to hear this! Will say prayers that things get better but I do agree with Blue it’s possible to make lemonade out of lemons. You might look back very fondly on that day of making gingerbread and watching polar express some day without thinking of the train. Enjoy your Christmas with your beautiful family!
You can borrow my Christmas spirit. I’m not using it this year.
Hugs. Hoping v. hard Jeff and Melissa get there.
My lead up hasn’t been quite so dramatic, but there is a distinct lack of Christmas Spirit here too. And we don’t have any snow, just dreary, wet, cold weather. It’s summer for goodness sake.
I am relying on the chance that filling stockings on Christmas eve and putting presents under the tree will fix my miserableness.
(((Hugs))) Sounds like you need them.
I am pretty sure the kids will remember this Christmas more than most of the others of their early childhood, because of the snow. I am going with “best laid plans” this year, if our guests don’t turn up, anyone who can’t get away and is hungry had better come round and eat the food.
*sigh* And here we are in Reykjavik, Iceland; desperately missing the snow …
I hope Melissa and Jeff get there soon.
Ugh. Just, ugh. I know that it is the thought that counts. I know it is about family–whatever form that takes. I completely and totally get the whole thing. However, I think that for me this year will be quite the test of the Christmas Spirit. I have been ill. I hurt my back when I slipped on the ice (and was rear-ended by a dumbass driver). I moved in the rain and cold. I became ill again. It looks less definite that a promotion I kinda thought was in the bag will happen.
The only thing my nephew wants for Christmas was whispered into my ear, “My mommy and daddy not to be divorced any more.” Sorry kid–can’t get that at Target, and for my sister’s sake, wouldn’t if I could.
The good is this. My sister and I spend Christmas together this year. Together and without any riff-raff. All freaking day for the two of us to do anything or nothing. She is way high on the list of my favorite people, and we’re gonna make it work. You guys are gonna make yours work as well. Evidently not anywhere near the way you thought it would, but it will work. You will live, love, laugh, cry, give and tell the story of Christmas 2010 with more humor every passing year. Love you, babe. Sorry the story is making up its own ending, but I bet it will still be happy.
I don’t think you’ve lost it – it’s just gone into hiding (and I can’t say I blame it.) Hoping everyone and everything arrives on time and leaves on time. Merry Christmas!
The movie “It’s A Wonderful Life” always picks me up if/when I’m down at this time of the year. George (Jimmy Stewart) is at rock bottom, but seeing the big picture of his life helps him endure & even welcome his current hardship. That always snaps me out of the “this sucks” attitude I have periodically at CHRISTmas.
Incidentally, I had a dream last night that I was helping you and Angus move some stuff from one part of your house to another. He gave me a tour of the house, and we were getting along like old friends. It was a good dream. : )
I can understand how you feel. In 2008 we had a crazy mixture of joy and tragedy. My son was born in July and four months later my mother died the Saturday before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was cancelled and Christmas would be too. I had been so looking forward to Christmas but then it all went pear and as hard as I tried and as much as I wanted it I could not get my Christmas spirit back.
Things did get a little better, though. My sister-in-law (who I really love) flew in from London and took care of us and tried to give us a little fun. At the eleventh hour I got a bit of my Christmas mojo back and even though we had a MAJOR plumbing failure (septic system began backing up – no showers or laundry) it was a nice Christmas. Christmas miracles do happen (I am thinking of one that I read about here) and I believe that Melissa and Jeff will make it home in time and that you all will have a great Christmas. :)
And this why I try to have low expectations. :)
Hoping that things rally, that the weather clears for safe travel, and that the Christmas spirit finds its way back to you!
I’m glad your stepmum did make it in. Hoping the rest of your holiday gets better and that Melissa and Jeff make it in too.
PS: I always find things in the last place I expected to. I hope your Christmas spirit turns up.
Hugs. Kisses. Motherly tsking and head shaking and there-there’s. Sometimes you just need a good wallowing in it all. More hugs. More kisses.
Hoping your step children get there, thinking if that happens and you get caught up in their feelings and in Nick and Nora’s, that you’ll get some of that mojo back.
Something in the lost and found is just there waiting until you’re ready to pick it up. There are still a few days to go! My fingers are crossed that your visitors arrive safely and very soon – how stressful. And thank you so much for mentioning my book – it’s really lovely of you :) xx
I hope the kids make it at the very least. Christmas is all about miracles, or some such shit.
Love ya…
[...] on my happiness wish list is Shannon, who’s suffering a few blues of her own, including getting her family together for Christmas [...]
I want to Grinch out on Xmas, being in pain from cramps, broke from three trips with my cat to the vet (she is now slinking around in a big plastic cone and a bandaged paw), my crappy barely-leave work leave, the dickwad at my pharmacy refusing to fork over my happy pills because my doctor is not in the office this week, and the fantastic news that when I go home, there will be a four-foot hole in my bedroom courtesy of my father’s keen plan to expand his bathroom.
But I’m mustering optimism – partially because I ought to and partially because I recognize that bitching about what are actually small problems is neither helpful nor right. In the past week, there were two joyful things done right here in the city I live in that actually made me shed tears of joy – the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell and the passage of a bill to provide medical care to 9/11 first responders who got sick sucking in smouldering rubble. And there will be mince pies and hard sauce at Christmas, so I guess I shouldn’t be too greedy (especially as I’m a Grinchy little shit most of the time anyhow).
The big picture. That’s what I’m trying to keep in mind. That, and mince pies.
Merry Christmas! The little things are wonderful touches, but your heart and warmth are what make Christmas special and that shines through!