I have been excited all day long.
Today was the big day for me, the day I’ve been itchily waiting two weeks for.
Today I got my Big Damn Cast off.
Strangely I found a DVD in my handbag, and it turns out they thoughtfully gave me a video of the recordings of one of the orthoscopic cameras that was in my ankle. I popped it into my laptop and was amazed – I have no idea what I was looking at, only that there was clearly a bone joint, a bunch of floating fiber-y things, a lot of water and bubbles, some blood.
“Alastair!” I called to him excitedly. “Look! Look! The camera’s inside of me!”
“Should you be watching that, considering they’re going into your wrist in two week’s time?” came his voice from the kitchen.
“Look! You can see inside my ankle!”
“I don’t want to see inside your ankle,” came the reply from my squeamish husband.
“No really! It’s cool there’s all this…floaty stuff.”
“Please. I really can’t face that.”
“I have no idea what I’m looking at but look! Blood!”
“Stop talking. Just stop talking.”
My appointment was at one, so Alastair showered me and dressed me in the only clothing that would go over my Big Damn Cast. Today’s selection was a blue T-shirt and a pair of thick red fleece pajama pants with little blue earmuff wearing birds all over them. They didn’t say “bad dress sense” as much as “vagrant rucking up in p.j.s”.
We drove to the hospital and I was so excited it was like Christmas. The Big Damn Cast was coming off. I would be free. I wouldn’t be sticking a pen down it to scratch anymore, I wouldn’t feel like a giant caveman club had been strapped to my foot. I would be free. I wouldn’t be subjected to the torment of sitting still all the time (even aided as I have been by the amazing D’s suggestion of this site, which had me shrieking with laughter). I could dance…metaphorically, anyway.
(OK, only I couldn’t because my bedrest has been extended and I’m still on pain medication. But still. Big Damn Cast coming off.)
We strolled into the treatment room and the battleaxe nurse started getting the kit ready to remove my cast. One of the doctors who works with my consultant came in to take a look at my leg. I remembered him from the surgery, he was beside me as they administered the anesthesia in a canula in my hand. I remember them looking at me and grinning, saying “And now we’re giving you a nice big gin and tonic.”
“That’s funny,” I replied. “That’s exactly what I had for breakfast!”
(I remember nothing else after that until I woke in recovery, but I do hope they knew I was kidding.)
“I haven’t shaved or bathed that leg in two weeks, it’s going to look like a Christmas tree farm, I’m really sorry,” I said passively, working my usual line on apologies.
“We work with teenage boys,” the nurse said drily. “You cannot possibly be worse than they are.” She cut the bandages off, the nice doctor cracked my cast open, and I saw my scrawny ankle nestled there in a huge mound of gauze. And as she got to one of the inner layers of my cast, a tiny spider strolled out.
A spider.
Was in my cast.
With me.
I froze. The nurse and doctor shrugged and brushed it aside in a way that made it clear this was commonplace. It’s commonplace to possibly have arachnids in open-ended casts, it would appear. Break a bone and you too can help encourage an infestation.
The doctor nonchalantly squished the spider then crowed triumphantly at the sight of my ankle. The Big Damn Cast may have been removed, but man was my ankle looking rough.
My ankle and entire foot are bruised to fuck.
And I now have a completely hideous “aircast” that I am strapped into for the next four weeks.
I had huge plans tonight for a massive bubble bath complete with candles and champagne (completely inappropriate for a Tuesday night during a working week, I know, but Big Damn Cast removal called for it) but the doctor said I couldn’t do that for at least 24 hours to give time for the former stitch site to harden. So the double bubbles will wait for a day.
Still. It’s progress. I am to keep my foot elevated for another two weeks or so, I cannot drive until the New Year, I will not really be out and about to work, and the crutches I lose just in time for my wrist surgery, but the Big Damn Cast is gone.
Relief.
And as of Friday this week, I can legitimately bust out Elf and rock the holiday schmaltz.
-S.
PS-Other relief of a more bittersweet kind – Macarthur has been re-homed. We are now a one cat family. We have also decided that when Maggie has finally passed away (which is going to be in 20 years because angry cats live forever) then we will be a no-cat family from there.
My sister was watching something on the big screen tv once, and when I strolled in I nonchalantly asked what we were watching.
“My bowels”, she responded.
Truth be told, it was pretty fascinating.
If that spider crawled out of my cast I would have spazzed out. I get so ridiculously stupid around them its shameful. Good news about Macarthur, however bittersweet it may be.
*Elf, Elf, Elf, Elf*
That is wicked cool – both the spider and the foot. I’ve seen my own feet bruise so often (twisted ankles x n, an incident with beer and high heels…) that I enjoy the changing colours like I do the leaves in autumn.
it’s the skin on the top of your foot that’s creeping me out right now. the desiccation factor. heal up quickly.
Eh, a spider isn’t that bad. Maybe a scorpion would be bad. (My parents live in Texas and have random scorpions in the house.) And maybe the spider was what you kept trying to scratch?
My brother-in-law was put into an air cast for a broken foot when he was fifteen or so. He kept taking it off to walk places. Like when we took him to the movies, he unstrapped his air cast and walked to the concession stand for popcorn. Not surprisingly, he ended up in a real cast a few weeks later.
Buddy the Elf, what’s your favorite color?
And OH. Em. GEE. on the spider. Holy hell woman. I would have freaked out.
I’m glad kitty found a new home.
<3
I am glad you are healing. I, too, recently had surgery. I will not be sending you a pic of my incision, however. My hysterectomy scar is nice and itchy and the hair is causing me to be mildly crazy (er). Good luck with the wrist.
I would fucking die if a spider crawled out of any item I am wearing. Great is my fear.
Congratulations on graduating to hideous air cast! That looks much less unpleasant.
Who doesn’t want to see the inside of your ankle? You should post the video here! :)
Glad to hear you found a new home for your cat. You must be very relieved.
That isn’t a hideous air cast…it’s a Stormtrooper boot!
Sad but happy about Macarthur, a cat adopted us back in June, I would hate to see him leave now. :-(
congratulations!! :) I would have had to be sedated if a spider crawled out of my cast. So glad the kitty has a new home!
There was a spider in your cast? Okay, I don’t havea fear of them, but that’s a little creepy. Although, a spider is preferable to something gnaw-y, like say, a mouse, or fleas.
The spider part creeped me out. EW. Glad your cast is off – even if you can’t take a bubble bath yet. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hope that bath feels wonderful
If you’re still on bedrest, I do hope you’ve also found Dear Blank Please Blank. And Passive Aggressive Notes. And maybe Regretsy. Yay for unsolicited website suggestions!
A spider … I can’t get past that. It’s too horrific …
But congratulations on loosing the Big Damn Cast and good to know that the cat has found a new home.
But the spider … no really …
Thank you for not posting a pic of the spider crawling up your leg. I would’ve come undone.
Hurray – glad you have got one part of you back to normal. Its going to take time though for you to walk properly – no? Take it easy Shannon and dont run before you can walk. An so pleased you are nearly back to doing normal stuff.
A spider? In your cast? Oh my god. That would definitely have freaked me out too. But enjoy the bath, in any case…
I’m with Alastair, no videos, even your ankle wigs me out a bit. Where is the obligatory Shannon Thanksgiving post. I love hearing your cooking adventures. I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. Hope you have great food today.
Your poor foot!
And as a side note: Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m glad you like MLIA. It brightens many an otherwise tedious hour at work for me. You might also check out texts from last night. The thanksgiving ones, in particular, are amazing.
The spider creeps me out just thinking about it, btw. I plan to have nightmares about it.
Ankle looks great. Love how blood (bruise) settles. Gravity is an amazing force.
Arthroscopic images are so neat.
Hooray for progression on the healing front! I think I’d be interested in the video, too. Just something morbidly fascinating about that.
Yesterday I actually watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. (It really worked towards its purpose, which was to fascinate the toddler so I could snuggle him under a blanket and warm up his feet and hands. He just won’t keep hats or socks on…) Apparently there’s an Elf musical.
Glad you are going places with the joints, but honestly, I do not get why people are embarassed not to have shaved etc. when exposing body parts to doctors. Not only do they work with teenage boys, they also work with homeless people, even gynaes work with homeless people!
A spider, freaky but OK. Now, if spiderS had come marching out, Partridge Family style, I would have lost. My. Mind.
So glad to know that you were able to find a great home for Macarthur and that your foot is finally free! I hope the next four weeks of aircastedness go quickly and happily!
p.s. one of the television stations here started running Elf this weekend…hooray!