More random Google terms that somehow find their way to my site. I find them hilarious, however I am immature and you may not find them as funny.

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ebay lest we perish – oh I feel that pain. I’m with you there. If there is no ebay, there is no life.

americanenglishstyle - Hello? The space bar on your keyboard – love it, live it, learn it.

cbeebies heads shoulders knees and toes – knees and toes!

my vagina looks deflated and gross – maybe you’re dressing it in Spring colors but it’s really an Autumn? Have you tried a pep talk lately?

alice gorby whore of denver – that’s not very kind. You should see what she says about you.

fuckiversary – awesome. I’m going to be celebrating that from now on. What do you give, some latex and a ping pong ball?

relationship decisions renovations – sit a chair down next to me. Let’s talk. First off, paint charts and how to avoid shouting matches over them…

jokes about boils – Knock knock! Who’s there? Boils! Boils who?…

my therapist is too expensive – they can be. Stick it out. In terms of bargains, therapy is generally something to exclude from that category.

nananana tequila – oh Christ that reminds me of Monday.

on the first day of christmas – my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear tree! And yes, I am working on my Christmas posts already!

everyday stranger – hi. That’s me. Over 7,000 searches a month find me this way, although not sure if people were looking for me or the extant rock band or song by Sara B, and of those who come here am not sure how many stay. Come in, the door’s open.

9dp3dt - hang in there. Worrying times. Hang in there and resist the urge to test.

pleasant toddler girl – she can be. She can also be the Exorcist stand-in, it’s hard to gauge.

world record rollercoster ride nude – not sure how you wound up on my site, mate. I absolutely loathe roller coasters. And doing it nude? Imagine the chafing.

circumcision “delicate flesh” – if there were ever three words that made me cross my legs, apart from “Kanye West’s coming”, or “I’m outta’ lube”, these were the three.

armachdan lèir-sgriosail – Gesundheit.

chav igglepiggle – he’s a strange one, Igglepiggle, but not sure I’ve seen him in head to toe Burberry necking a bottle of cider.

car packed with holiday stuff – And when you get there, you have to unpack it knowing you’ll later re-pack the car and fucking nothing will fit the same way.

can i hear the lemonheads right now – nope, they’re sleeping. Wait until 0630, at which point they’ll burst into a rousing rendition of “Baa Baa Black Sheep”.

there are strangers camping in my family – did they bring a camper stove? Laid the groundsheet properly? Shared their beer? If so, they’re not strangers, they’re hippy mates!

step parenting sucks – it can. Let’s not lie. Step-parenting can suck. But occasionally real parenting can suck. Not being a parent and wanting to be a parent can suck. Actually, everything can suck. That enough rationalization for you?

good woman vs bad woman – a good woman helps old ladies cross the street, bakes bread, and crochets hats for preemie babies. A bad one smacks kittens, thinks the name “Kardashian” is synonymous with “fiercely talented”, and wears shoulder pads, leggings, and jelly shoes without any hint of irony. I can see how you might get it confused.

I’ll never love again – yes. I did say that. I was, however, referring to our en suite. I still heart it.

hampshire registry office – is lovely! Really! It’s in Winchester. Go for the Pendragon room, you get a gorgeous stained glass window and a framed photo of the Queen. You know – as you do.

just a bit mental – well, we wouldn’t want to go over the top, would we?

funny panic buying milk & eggs – you may find it funny, but I find it very fucking serious and it explains why I have random cartons of UHT milk hiding throughout the house.

i wore lipstick to my mastectomy – which makes you absolutely and completely amazing. And I really mean that.

-S.