Since I’ve been crazy busy, I thought I would cheat upload some of the search items that people have been using to get to my site, most of which make me laugh:
i’m uncomfortable with a pelvic ultrasound Honey, no one likes them. Lie back and think of England. If that doesn’t work, lie back and think of David Tennant.
burst out laughing at his tiny dick Now that’s just mean. Laugh inwardly. Inward. Karma is a bitch and, frankly, if you bust out laughing it sounds like you might be, too.
shannon lush dashboard cleaning Have you seen the state of our cars? I’d go with dreadful with a side of dreadful. To put it in perspective, I dropped my phone under the seat earlier this week. When I went looking for it I found a handful of melted Skittles, a few pistachios, £3 in change, and newborn-size nappies. I kid you not. Lush dashboard cleaning my ass.
housewives who offer sex for fixing the That search string didn’t finish (it’s character limited) but when you need stuff done in the house you’re usually willing to go a lot further than a bit of how’s your father (she says, as the hallway tiling has begun.)
how to tell a friend they’re not stupid Hi. You’re my friend. You’re not stupid. Want some coffee? A chance to solve pi?
is a mirena coil the sign of a whore? If it is then paint me red and flap my labia. I’d have thought a mirena was a sign of a responsible woman taking her reproduction and hormonal changes in control, but you say “whore”, I say “tomato”.
fucking a stranger i just meeted Wait, was meat involved? Did you mean “meated”, like you had sex with someone just after launching the patties from a Big Mac on them? I hate it when that happens. Cleaning up the special sauce is a bitch.
because at the end of the day One of my favorite expressions. Honestly.
lets cook slush maker crap Yes let’s! I’ve brought my slush maker, did you bring your crap?
upsy daisy Yes. She’s here. And I have to refrain from adding “the little whore” under my breath every time I see her.
waitrose cashmere toilet roll Waitrose is posh, but I had no idea it could be that posh.
things witches can do on saturdays Saturdays are busy times. Not only is it Brillo-pad-to-the-cauldron times, you have to re-stock newt’s eyes, get ready to dance naked under the moonlight, and light a few joss sticks. Knackering, that.
cyclogest, fart Been there, done that.
suck your brain envious people I think you mean “Eat my shorts with a a side of Schadenfreude?”
“a satisfying shag” Why hello, you’ve come to the right place.
women pillow fighting in dark socks I am not sure where you’re going with this one, but if you were pillow fighting while wearing dark socks then dear god I hope you weren’t also wearing sandals.
42 No no – I’m 36. But thanks for making me feel old.
toddler behavior “likes to push boundari Nick, get off Mama’s laptop!
does alastair love teresa Is this like the Pythagoras theorum? I love Alastair and I love Teresa (hi Teresa!) so ergo Alastair must love Teresa?
pps – what’s the world needs now is love That it does, so I’ll stop making fun of people’s search terms now.
-S.
PS – If you read here regularly and you came here via a search engine term, can I ask how you got here? Pretty please? With hormones on top? I’m so curious.
And not a Hairy Porn Insertion in sight!
Which Waitrose can I get cashmere bog roll in?!
And not a Hairy Porn Insertion in sight!
Which Waitrose can I get cashmere bog roll in?!
Doh. Only pressed once, I swear!
I’ve been here for years (wow) and what I remember is that somebody pointed me to one of your Christmas posts. I thought, “This is amazing writing,” and stuck around.
Yes, that’s the truth. I love you for your prose.
No google searches for me…I guess I’m just not creative enough. I can’t remember how I found you, but I am sure glad I did!
OMG. I had to stifle the giggles because I’m at work. I heart you. Very much.
Those are funny. I have that feature turned off on my blog so I’ll just have to enjoy your post on this. I have no idea how I found your blog. Back in the days of the darkness of infertility.
I have no idea how I found you. But I do know it was forever and a day ago, so I’m going to forgive myself that small lapse in memory. Because I certainly never forget anything else. Like diapers and wipes for my girls at daycare. For two days in a row. Nope, I certainly didn’ do that.
Jesus babes … Add a warning to this ot to read if sitting near sleeping baby cos your stiffled laugh will sure as he’ll wake them!!! Love it . Love you.
Xxx
I found you years and years ago (way before Nick and Nora) when I was doing some research on adult attitudes to Santa Claus! Your thoughts were a big help and I’ve been reading your blog ever since.
“Waitrose cashmere toilet roll”? And women pillow-fighting in dark socks? These two I particularly love. (In DARK SOCKS? WTF?)
Some of those are really funny.
The only search term I get that is worth mentioning is “kissing balls” – and I am sure they are disappointed to find out that it is a ball of flowers used at weddings!!
Oh my god. Laughing out loud. SO FUNNY!!!
I came to you because a certain conservative blogger you understandably hate linked to you. I unlinked her and linked you in her place. And keep coming back for more!
BTW, June 18th I’m going to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter! Did you see my pics on facebook?
Greetings! Been reading/lurking since right before Nick and Nora arrived. I believe I found your site through a link on an ex-pat website. I had just moved overseas, didn’t have my home set up, no friends, 1st time mom w/newborn son, blah blah blah. Been reading you ever since. Love your writing, enjoy your photos, and wish I was more witty and cool to comment on your site. Wishing you the best. – Mutt
I should remember how I found you, but I do not. I do know that I have been reading you for ages, and started my meager blog in part because of you. I adore your honesty and bravery. Yours is the only blog bookmarked in my phone, just for the record.
Statia sent me here somehow, long ago, before she even knew her now husband!
At the end of the day…….it’s night, Shannon…it’s FREAKING NIGHT!!!!
It was PIO. I was scared shitless and goggled up some courage. It worked, he is playing with toys on the family room floor as I type. Now, I feel related, almost.
That would be GOOGLED.
Kaetchen-that is how I got here.
And duh-everyone loves Teresa.
I found you when I was researching IVF and googled that and related terms. Way back when you had Twisted Ovaries, you were the first blog I read, now so many years later we are finally on a donor enbryo list and are looking at egg donors and waiting for my “Oh My God You are Old Clearances” from F/M Medicine in September and hope to cycle after that.
So, thanks Shannon, we would not be here without you.
Melissia
Found you when, during my quest to get knocked up, found out my eggs were scrambled and started googling infertility blogs. Loved you when you were Twisted Ovaries, love you still.
Found you on Twisted Ovaries through some infertility link. Looking at the comments above, you have done a lot of good by writing about IF and IVF. My head hurt when your name changed from Vanessa to Helen, and oh lord, your sweet soon-to-be husband’s name? It still confuses me…. :)
BTW, I still haven’t ordered the vinyl tree that you have for Melissa’s room (we emailed about that), but one day….one day….
I am massively jealous about your book festival experience (except for your tent thing, I think I could have done without…). Give some love to your friend May because she certainly deserves it…
I found you via Twisted Ovaries through someone’s blogroll, a very long time ago. I think you were 25 weeks pregnant with the twins?
Anyway, my search terms are boring.
It was 2003 I think, I can’t remember exactly but I am pretty sure it was through another blog.
abs x
I was reading a conservative Christian’s blog (Tim Challies), and he linked to Jim (You & Jim used to have competitions to see who could get the most comments in the early days). On Jim’s blog, I saw your link, and “Everyday Stranger” piqued my interest.
No Google for me. I came here from a link on your Flickr profile. I guess it’s been a few years now.
Christopher
I first found your site in 2005 by searching “expatriation.”
I think I found you through someone else who linked to you. I miss the London tube pic. you first had up. I wonder when that was?
I found you in Plain Layne’s links, so I suppose I’ve been lurking for many a year. :)
I found you when someone sent me a link years ago when you posted about taking your 2 cars to the vet shortly after their arrival. I’m a longtime reader………
Found you back in summer 2005 when we were discussing whether or not to have a biological child before adopting. Actually googled something about ‘adoption’ and ‘blog,’ I think.
I think I’ve told this a few times, I googled “Walkers sausages”, I was trying to find out if they were made from happy pigs! I was quite surprised to find myself here but haven’t left since!
42 – Have you perhaps posted something mentioning the Hitchhikers Guide or Douglas Adams? That might bring in the 42 relation.
I am fuzzy (it’s been going on 3 years now, or so) but I’m fairly certain it was through another blog.
I actually found you through Hairy Farmer, Hi HFF!! Love your blog, one of the first ones I check each day.
It wasn’t through a search. You were on the blogroll of Snickollet’s blog, which I was reading at the time…
I found your blog while trying to find out what the heck was up with my wife and her weird behavior – has been three years now, but I believe I was searching for a combination of words like “anger, rage, suicidal, impulsive, sudden mood swings”, and somehow ended up here.
I found you via a link on a blog (before there were really blogs, 2004?) about Hong Kong (Simon something?) I can’t find it now. I liked the writing, interested in the drama that was your “early” life, the naughty bits, grew to care about the person, interested in how your story and you would turn out.
I must say this is not where I thought it would end up, but I’m glad it did. You have a lovely family and I look forward to reading more.
I actually bounced on from Random Pensees day, back on the Mu whatever.
I found you at your last site when I was pregnant with my daughter (she was born 6 weeks before the twins) and have been following you ever since…although silently. I’ve only commented one other time (when your cat died).
I searched you with “everyday stranger”. I used to read. Now I’m reading again. And 42 is the answer to life, the universe, and everything, so if you popped up as an answer to 42, I think that’s good.